Okay, So I have been exercising quite a lot lately. I was pretty much thinking that I could handle a class taught at our local gym called "Boot Camp". This class is supposed to challenge you and give you a wide variety of exercises to keep you in high physical fitness. What I soon discovered, in the first 2 minutes of class, was that 1. Satan lives on the earth and teaches Boot Camp and 2. He wants to make your exercise experience Hell on Earth! Okay so the teacher is not Satan (in drag?) but she was SO Hard and kind of mean! She had us running , lungeing, lifting, squatting, jumping rope and (almost crying) in the first two minutes of class. Her exact words were "This class is NOT your strength training or aerobics class. This class is designed to push you! Hurt you! Work you past your limits. You will go until you cannot breathe, think you can't take anymore, think you are going to collapse and THEN make you continue for another few minutes." It was 1 hour of torture! I was trying to sort of hide in the back of the class but she kept saying "Come on MICHELLE! Don't be lazy here!" or my favorite "Michelle, if you can't keep up, I am going to make you and the whole class do another round of running!" I was so embarrassed that I pushed myself just to deaths door. I thought it was so weird that she was calling me out as I was the new student in class. It so happens that as I was leaving I heard her say to another lady. "Way to go Michelle, you really worked hard today." So, I did all of that keeping up for nothing! I am going to try it again next week but if you don't here from me, you may want to check to see if I am in hell.

I have a confession to make. I throw away some of my children’s artwork. Please do not tell my mother. She still to this day has a basement full of my snoopy collection, dolls, artwork, clothes and every paper I ever wrote on. I will own up that I am not as good as a collector as my mother, but I don’t want to be either. I try to save a few special projects from each child every year. I also will keep almost everything that comes into the home on the fridge for at least a couple of months. Here is my method. After a couple of months, I put it in the garbage. If my child pulls it out and says “MOM, HOW COULD YOU THROW AWAY MY FAVORITE…?” it stays. Otherwise, it goes to decorate the recycle bin. Sorry mom. Hey, could I get my snoopy collection back?

Today my son came home from kindergarten and said that someone got in trouble from the teacher for whining today at school. I said, “Was it you?” He said “Um, no, well, I can’t say, but it was the other guys fault anyway.” Mystery solved.

My kindergartener drew a picture today of what he would do if he became President of the United States. His picture was of a very happy child and under it he wrote. “We would all go to McDonalds.” Someone write him in on the ballot.

My daughter Kalia’s is seven and she loves to give me driving directions. She will tell me if I am going too slow or if the other lane looks better than the one we are in. She warns me if I ran a red light or didn’t quite stop at the stop sign long enough. Who needs cops when you have a tattle teller in your own car?

Okay, so today my fifteen year old Jordan and I were having a conversation about the kind of girl he should marry. I was giving him all sorts of great advice about what to look for in a wife. As he reluctantly listened, these were my suggestions: Date girls who are confident. Look around at your friends and see who among the girls is the nicest to her friends. Don’t look for the girl that you have to go in and “rescue her” from her life. If she has drama now, wait to see what she comes up with after you are married. Look for girls that are involved in the school and do volunteer work. A girl who naturally loves to volunteer would probably make a good mother since you have to “voluntarily” give up your life for your kids and husband eventually. Ha ha.  Now, I really thought I was imparting great wisdom. This was his response: “Mom, I think I may marry a girl sort of like you, if that’s what you’re getting at, but fourteen times prettier.” There you have it. Do not impart marriage wisdom on a fifteen year old.

I have a confession to make. I have messy cupboards. They are not just unorganized, but my cupboards and closets are harmful if opened. I have the kind of cupboards that you have to open and shut quickly or flying objects will come out at you. In my defense (I feel the need to defend myself here) I clean out my cupboards about twice a year. One is at Thanksgiving when my mom or mother in law will be coming to rummage through them. The second is at Easter when they are messy again and random people will rummage through them again. If someone comes over in between holidays, I lie and say that my kids put away the dishes in all the wrong places. Which is not entirely untrue. Since I have so many kids, I think they actually buy it. I just hate taking the time to organize all of my pans and pots when I could be doing something much more rewarding like solving global warming or watching Days of our Lives. My kids play hide and seek in the cupboards anyway and if I have the blanket perfectly folded, they just get messed up the next weekend in a serious game of hiding. Why don’t I have the kids fold the blankets and put them away you ask? You don’t have kids.  I just felt like I needed to share my moment of liberation today. I have messy cupboards and I’m proud of it!

I am the PTA president of our school for a few years now. It is probably the only job that you can love and hate at the same time. Through my job I have found the truth in many old thoughts and sayings. Here is what I have learned.

1. No good deed goes unpunished. (Someone will find fault in at least one thing you did.)

2. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. (Especially if you were not in charge of the event, did not volunteer or help out in anyway.)

3. Teachers and Parents both feel vindicated in their perspective feelings towards your child.

4. No school ever has enough money.

5. The last school that everyone attended was the best school in the world.

6. Many parents are very good at defending their lazy kids to the teacher but will not tolerate their behavior at home.

7. All school cafeteria’s and gym’s have the same aroma world wide. (The wet dog, stinky sneakers smell.)

8. Teachers know way more about you and your family than you think they know.

9. Parents know way more about the teacher and classroom than the teachers think they

 know.

10. Teachers should be appreciated and paid way more than they are. So should the PTA President! Volunteerism Schmeerism!